During the last few years I have been in the training grounds
of leadership. I have had several opportunities and positions that have helped me in the leadership molding process. I do not feel like I am fully molded, nor
do I feel I have even the fundamentals down. This is interesting
because for years people spoke into my life about leadership qualities that
they said were natural. What I did not realize, during the early years of my life, is that possessing passion and charisma does not always translate to being a good
leader. People will follow passion for awhile but if the character is not there
to sustain the direction the fruit will not last. I like to always say that this
life (and various roles) is not a 100 meter dash, but should be lived as a
marathon.
I used to have a huge desire to be a leader, but the more I
have been able to lead and understand the challenges and difficulty of being a
leader, the more hesitant I am to quickly assume that role. Not that I don’t want
to lead, but when the rose colored glasses come off … that idea of becoming a cage
fighting mixed martial artist doesn’t seem so fun. So with that said here are a few simple lessons
I wish I could have known a few years ago.
People will talk
and some will throw stones
Reality
check. No matter how cool you are, how consistent you are in your behavior/character,
how nice you are, and how much you do for others… people are going to talk
about you and some will throw verbal stones. It’s the nature of the position.
Hey…stand up there for awhile … now that you’re up there I can see all your
flaws and you’re an easy target for all my frustrations. We live in a culture
that loves to drink beer and watch professional athletes. When they drop the
pass or miss the play our couch potato friends love to say “Oh come on!” or “Get
the stinking ball!”….seriously when is the last time couch potato worked out? Yes,
we love to be spectators and it is looks so easy from our perspective and
comfortable seats. Why don’t you get out there and wait until Mr. Big Muscle
guy is about to smash your face in…you’re perspective changes. It is always
harder when you are in the game or when you are the leader. People tend not to understand
the hours of administrative planning or having to navigate the different personalities
and their subsequent strengths and weaknesses. So, they will talk about you. I
remember this last year walking into a room and everyone stopped talking, put
their heads down, and then just walked off in different directions. Awkward.
Lesson
Learned
In order to be a good leader, at a certain level,
you have to stop worrying about what people think of you. I am not talking
about arrogance and not listening to constructive criticism or feedback. I am
talking about leading out of insecurities and trying to make sure people like
you all the time. You must walk through the process of transformation that God
brings us through from insecurity to being secure in who you are. For me that
process took years and years. But I can honestly say that I am more secure in
who I am and who God has made me to be. I am more concerned with His approval
than I used to be. That allows me to listen for His approval and direction
instead of the approval and direction of others. Once you start following the
approval and direction of others you are chasing after the wind.
No
matter how well you lead and how many good decisions you make people will talk
about you and you can’t do too much about it. The thing I have learned from
seeking God about this issue is to be consistent in my Character and in my
actions. I am not always good at doing this, but I feel like I have a compass to
guide me in the hard times. Here is a simple tool to use when the gossip,
speculation, and backbiting is at its worst. Do unto others as you would have
them do unto you. Treat others how you would want to be treated. If you do this
consistently and purpose in your heart not to respond in anger or attacking
others… it will work out in the end. Even if it does not work out at least you
will be able to stand before God and men with a clean heart.
Confrontation & and Speaking the Truth… is Part of the Job
Man, I remember back in the 90’s at a Highland Baptist Church training for Lifegroup
leaders. There was a young man who talked on confrontation in the context of
leadership and leading small groups. I remember thinking this was odd talk for
small group training. Actually, it was a solid teaching on how to speak the truth
in love and confront difficult situations. This has been the hardest lesson for
me to learn and quite honestly I still need to grow a lot in this area. I have
gone through seasons where and I am good about this and then seasons where I
become passive. When you lead you will be confronted by difficult people and
situations. If left unchecked those people and situations can ruin
organizations and hurt others tremendously.
Lesson Learned
Sometimes a Pastor is called Shepherd (that is what the Greek word means) and sometimes Shepherds have to fight off the lions and bears. My father was a Pastor and I
remember him telling me that he once told a guy to leave his churches singles group
and not to come back. (In a church! Who would dare?) When I asked him why, he said
the guy had been talked to multiple times, would not change, and was preying on
young single moms in his group. He was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. After the
guy left he ended up having an affair with a married woman from the
congregation. My dad was being a good leader and protecting his sheep. That’s life
and true leadership and is not what you always think of as a role of being a
pastor. But, it was the right move.
I try
to read the book of Proverbs through every month. (31 chapters = 31 days) One
theme I see is that when you speak the truth it is better than flattery and is actually
the mark of true relationship and friendship. I true friend is going to help
hold a mirror up or a sign and say “Man, you are not looking so good…or STOP
you are headed for the edge.” Those conversations are not fun, but they are necessary.
You can actually develop a skill set to help navigate confrontation and hard
conversations, but I don’t think it ever gets easy. If you love confronting
people and is easy for you…then you most likely have a problem. I remember
years ago a boss I had told me I was not good at accepting constructive criticism.
My response was “Yes I do”… I was blind to the problem. He graciously gave me several
examples of times that I had not responded well and how defensive I got. That
was ten years ago, and I have grown since then, and now I understand that listening
to valid criticism is one of the biggest tools for accelerated growth. That
weakness has become strength. More
lessons to come…….
