Sucker...

A few years ago I found my life just plain broken. Broken...in some Christian circles is a word that is thrown around quite a bit. When broken hit me.....it took me out cold. Dust in the teeth of a broken man tastes very bitter... but I thank God for it.


At some point in Tucson I found my identity as an alcohol soaked musician- pot head. But what does that look like? I made good money and I had obtained a certain level of success in my career. Had plenty of friends.....heck even had a good business sense about me. I could sell drugs to you for allot more than I paid for them. SUCKER... It was at this point at my life I kept hearing the phrase " Mike...you are seriously cool". I mean I wish I could make that up...but really...ALL THE TIME. I heard this for about half a year. I guess I had a good image...half my arm tattooed with a dread locked Jesus... and when you talk slow all the time because your so high....it creates a great image. Fantastic.


At some point in 2005 I remember thinking to myself (as I was taking a shower....very stoned)..."Wow, remember when I used to be a hardcore Christian...what a trip" I mean I used to be in leadership for crying out loud. I had preached in churches and even in the streets of Europe. Now it seriously seemed like an entire past life. Some vague memory that I could attribute to living in a certain town with a certain culture. But God is faithful even when we are not.


Well....how can I say this. He..and I mean God... kind of allowed my mind to slip out of place a bit. Like a nervous breakdown. It happened when I was preparing a report for a college class I was taking to continue my education. Just a little heads up. Its not as easy to write reports when you cant stop drinking and getting high. I mean its not impossible...I had already done it before and made an "A". I was the "cool" guy after all. But there it happened. In the middle of trying to put some thoughts together, God just reached down and slightly dialed the tweak button.....and my mind just froze. My reaction was less than broken in the first few moments. I remember thrashing my computer, followed by bouncing my cell phone off the ground, and climaxed by kicking the ---- out of whatever I could find. Then I fell to the ground weeping. God....help me...freaking help me....freaking help me.....


Well he did. He got my attention and took me on a journey of healing that was unreal. There were times when I would sit on the floor of the room and have my life play like a movie in front of me....and God would just talk to me about some things of my past. He helped me understand my disillusionment with Church and some hurts that I had experienced. All this Supernatural stuff started colliding with my life. For several months I just knew things about people and situations that no one had told me. It was weird. I had things show up in my house and try to choke me out in the middle of being asleep. Seriously weird. Which could leave you thinking right now...why are you sharing this? Because.... as I have been typing this I have been listening to worship music... and Gods real substantial presence has just filled my room. I am seriously in Love with Him. Not only has He restored me....He has blessed me far beyond I could have ever imagined. Blessed me with a family....blessed me in my job.....blessed us financially....blessed us with so many sold out Jesus friends in our life who are not religious, but carry a weight in the Spirit. Restoration! No! Lavish...lavish...Goodness.


He loves you man. Daughter... He loves you. He loved me in my shame and has freed and healed me to the point where I could really care less of what you think of me when you read this. You little SUCKER... loved so much by God.


I pray that if His presence has gone far from your life.... that the Lord would let it rest on you....God bless them and love them....I bless them...Father may you always be found faithful...even when we have not.....Thanks for your reading time